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\\#7 Dear Sister;Jessica: Ohhhhh my God, Liz is in a coma and I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how to live without my twin and I can’t – Todd: Jessica! Breathe! Jessica: Okay, right. Oh Todd, what will I do without Liz? Who will cover for me when I’m out late? Who will lend me money and clothes? Who will convince Mom and Dad that I’m not an evil spawn? Todd: Wow Jess, you’re selfless thinking during your twin’s time of need is unbelievable. Dr. John Edwards: Jessica, we need you to help. If you want your sister to live, you have to help her get better by believing that she can. Todd: Hey, John Edwards? Are you the guy from that psychic show? Dr. Edwards: No, I had this name well before that guy did! Jessica: Lizzie, please get up! Liz: [coming out of her coma] Fine! Now just shut up and let me rest! ---------------------------- Jessica: Hey Liz, I brought you some shampoo and pajamas. Liz: Ugh! Like it matters! I’m hideous! Bring me some makeup and something sexy, I can’t see Todd looking like this. But I guess a regular nightshirt is okay for just Todd. Jessica: What? You sound like me! Todd: Liz! You’re awake and alive! I love you! Liz: Yeah that’s great Todd. Jessica: I guess Liz is really tired. Todd: Okay, I’ll come back later. Liz: Hey sexy doctor, what’s your name? Todd: Jessica, you said she was tired. Jessica: Tired of you, I guess. And horny, apparently! You can see her again when she goes back to school. -------------------------------- Jessica: Wow Liz, that sure is a sexy dress to wear for your first day back to school. Liz: I know, right? Listen, I need you to start dinner tonight. Jessica: What? That’s preposterous! You know the rules, Liz…oh my gosh, our roles have been reversed! I wonder why? It can’t be related to the coma, can it? Nah. You know what we should do, is have a party. Liz: Great idea! Let’s only invite guys! Jessica: Geez Liz, even I’m not THAT bad! -------------------------------- Ken: Great party, Wakefields! Lila: Wow! Liz looks great! Usually you’re the one in the impossibly brief bikinis, Jessica. Jessica: I know, but lately Liz is really acting strange. Todd: Hey Liz, I – Liz: Boring! Oh my gosh, I’m so tired, I should lay down. Jess, be a dear and clean up this place? Jessica: But – I – but – FINE!!!!!! You’re such a monster, Liz, I swear. Lila: Don’t you think that’s a little hypocritical? I mean, she’s just acting like you usually do. Jessica: Oh right, since when are you my conscience? ----------------------------------- Mr. Wakefield: Hey twins, guess what? Our friends are leaving their twin daughters, Jean and Joan, with us for a week, starting in 5 minutes and we’re on our way out now, so bye! Liz: Well Jess, I guess they’re going to the drive-in with you and Danny, because I’m going out! [leaves] Jessica: WHAT???? Liz is so mean! She knows what I do at the drive-in! I guess they can watch, but what the hell? Danny might not like that. And he has reclining seats in his car! Danny: Kids? Jess, what the hell? Are you not aware that I have reclining seats in my car? Jessica: I know, I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you I swear! Danny: How? We can’t do what I planned for tonight with an underage audience! Jessica: I’ll do whatever you want, I swear! Please! I need love and acceptance so I’ll put out however you tell me to! Just don’t stop wanting me! Danny: Score! Jessica: You bet you will! Mr. Wakefield: Did you girls have a nice night? Jessica: Daaaaaaa-aaaaaaad! This is so unfair! Liz goes off and leave me with these kids, and Danny has reclining front seats that we did not get to make horizontal, if you know what I mean! Mr. Wakefield: Jessica! I am your father! Why would you say things like that to me? Jessica: Oh please, Daddy. Everyone knows I'm the trampy twin, and Liz is trying to show me up. Just make those twins leave me alone! Liz is out banging God knows who, and I was stuck. It’s not fair! ------------------------------- Enid: Jess, I think we should talk about Liz. Jessica: Shut up, Enid! I’m not interested enough in this to talk to you! Liz: Hey, all you SVH boys, including Mr. Collins. If you do as I say, I might let you see me naked! Boys: Yay!!!! Todd: What about me? Liz: You’re boring. Go away! You’ll never see me naked, not even in SVU, except for the one time where you take my shirt off, but trust me, I won’t let it go farther than that! --------------------------------- Jessica: Liz, can you take the twins to their flute auditions? I have a date. Liz: No time, Jess, I have to go make out with Bruce Patman. Jessica: ARGHHHH!!! Lila: You know what’s interesting about all this? You’re frustrated with Liz for acting like you, but I bet you don’t learn your lesson and start treating people better when this is all over. Jessica: You’re probably right, I doubt I will. ----------------------------------- Bruce: Wow Liz, you’re hot. Liz: I know, right? Bruce: I admit, I’ve always wanted to do you, but you were so frigid. But now… Liz: Oh, you totally can, don’t worry, go right ahead, help yourself. Bruce: Here, have some wine. Liz: Touch me, dammit! Todd: [punches Bruce] Liz: Todd, what the f***? I was going to score! Todd: Hey, you’ve had all the chance in the world to score with me! ----------------------- Bill: Hey Liz, wanna go out? Liz: Sure! Jessica: Hey, Liz is out with Bruce and Bill’s here to pick her up! I’ll pretend to be her! Let’s go, Billy-boy! Bill: Sweet! ------------------------- Bruce: Oh Liz, I want you so bad. Liz: Me too. Keep touching my boobs, that’s hot. Bruce: Let me just go get some wine, then I’ll show you what love is really all about. Liz: [falls and hits her head] Bruce: I’m back, ready to go at it? Liz: What? Where am I? Bruce: Don’t pull that crap on me, you said you wanted to bang me, now you’re going to do it! Liz: Get off me! I don’t even like you! Bruce: Tough! I am going to have sex with you whether you like it or not! Liz: [bites Bruce] Todd, Bruce tried to have sex with me! Todd: WHAT? Before I got to? I mean, oh sweet Liz, you were almost raped! Let me hold you! And let's make sure not to file a police report for attempted sexual assault or anything! Liz: Oh Todd, I love you so much! -------------------------- Bill: Oh Liz, I love you so much Jessica: What about my sister? Bill: That cow? Ewwww!!!!!! Jessica: Well surprise Bill, you’ve been with me, Jessica, all night, so now I guess you really meant you love me! Bill: I guess so! |
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