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\\#54 Two-Boy Weekend;Jessica: Oh my God I’m so great at everything! Liz: *silent* Jessica: Uh, Liz? This is where you’re supposed to jump in and agree with me? Liz: Golly gee Jess, you sure are swell! Jessica: That’s better. So did you hear AJ won the essay contest for the Citizen’s Day Ball? Liz: WHAT??? That motherf*cker! There was an essay contest and I, Liz Wakefield, writer extrodinaire, didn’t win???? I mean, hey good for AJ! What was it about? Jessica: The topic was Sweet Valley in the year 2000. Liz: Huh. Well, call this a wild guess, but I predict that a bitchy cheerleader will be spreading rumors about you and ruining your life, I’ll be dating an alcoholic, Enid will be a freakshow, Maria Slater will be back in town, and Andy will struggle with coming out to us. But it’s just a guess. Jessica: Who’s Andy? Liz: Beats me. Jessica: So anyway, AJ will definitely be named king of the Ball, and then he’ll name me queen! Aren’t you so happy for me you could just scream? Liz: Oh I could scream all right… ----------------------------------- AJ: Jess, I’m going to Texas for 4 days to visit my family for my grandparents’ 50th anniversary. Jessica: You rat bastard! How could you leave me alone for 4 whole days?? And what am I supposed to do, go to Ken’s party alone? Not cheat on you? Did you think about this at all? AJ: Oh Jess, it’ll be okay. Jessica: Don't you know me? It’s all about me AJ! Well, I guess I should just say have a good time. But I can’t promise I won’t cheat on you. AJ: Can you try to try? Jessica: I’ll try to want to try to try. AJ: I love you Jess! Jessica: Yeah, yeah, yeah. ----------------------------------- Jessica: Liz, don’t you get bored of going out with the same guy? Liz: No. But I’m the steady, reliable one who values close relationships. Jessica: True, plus Jeffrey only has about 4 more books before Todd comes back. Liz: Shh, the authors haven’t introduced that plot yet! Jessica: I just feel like AJ and I do the same things over and over. Liz: Well maybe if you spent some time alone instead of clinging to guys like they're oxygen, you’d appreciate him more. ---------------------------------------- Jessica: Woe is me! Cara: Shut up Jess, I only see Steven on weekends and when he comes home for random reasons like he has bad allergies. Amy: Come to the beach with us, it’ll be fun. Jessica: Fine, but only if you pay tons of attention to me! Christopher: Hey. You’re hot. How’s it going? Jessica: Wow. Pleased to do you. I mean pleased to meet you. Christopher: Want to have dinner tonight? Jessica: But we only met half a page ago. Christopher: So? Jessica: Okay! Why bother starting to get to know people before I date them now? ---------------------------- Liz: So are you coming to the party? Jessica: Nah. I met someone at the beach and we’re having dinner tonight. Liz: That’s nice, and not at all vague. ----------------------------- Christopher: Damn, you’re sexy. Tell me about yourself. Jessica: I’m Jessica Wakefield, bitch! Besides, it’s what I’m not going to tell you that really matters. Like, for example, that I’m a twin. The fact that you don’t know that is what’ll be crucial later. Christopher: Want to make out? Jessica: Duh, it’s been like 4 pages since we’ve met! Christopher: Hey, let me buy you all the roses, a stuffed animal, and anything else you point to. Jessica: Gee thanks! That’s not at all suspicious! Can you believe this incredible connection we have? Christopher: I know, it’s amazing. Jessica: Unfortunately even though I let you buy me lots of stuff and made out with you a lot, I have a boyfriend and he’s coming home tonight, so bye! Christopher: Um, okay. Jessica: Wow! That was easier than I thought! Christopher: That’s what you think! Jessica: What did you say? Christopher: I said get home safe! --------------------------------- AJ: Hey! Did you miss me? Jessica: Eh. Kinda. At least for half the time. Christopher (on the phone): Jessica, this is the first of many phone calls I will make in an effort to stalk you. Liz: Hey, that guy seems to be following me! Christopher: Why are you avoiding me? Liz: Weirdo! -------------- Jessica: Liz! I did something so awful! Elizabeth: What else is new? Jessica: I cheated on AJ this weekend and now the guy is stalking me and he even followed me and pretended to want to buy AJ’s car and I don’t know what to do! Liz: Tell AJ you dope! But definitely don’t tell Mom or Dad or call the cops to report a stalker who risked your life in AJ’s car. Jessica: But if I tell AJ I won’t get to be the queen of the Citizen’s Day Ball! I mean, the crown and sash are worth a little stalking, right? Liz: My God you’re a moron sometimes! Could you be anymore shallow? Jessica: Ummm…nope! ------------------------------------ Christopher (on the phone): Jess, go out with me Saturday or ELSE!!! Jessica: Yeah sure sounds great. Christopher: YES!!!! Jessica: Oh crap Christopher I think I have strep throat. Christopher: I understand. Jessica: That should put the increasingly persistent stalker in his place! ----------------------------------- AJ: Jess, you look sensational. Jessica: I know. Christopher: Mind if I cut in? Jeffrey: I guess not. Christopher: So I see you’re feeling better. Liz: Oh my gosh, this psycho thinks I’m Jessica! Well I can play along for a few minutes, till after she’s crowned queen. Then this whole mess will be over. Christopher: Get in my trunk, you whore! Liz: Man, kidnapped again? Yikes! You’d think I’d learn that nothing good can come from protecting Jessica from the consequences of her actions. Jessica: AJ, I can’t do this. I cheated on you and I can’t have a steady boyfriend. I’m too much of a slut to appreciate real love. AJ: You’re so noble! Be my queen anyway. Jessica: Of course! Jeffrey: Come quick, some psycho’s got a knife to Liz! Christopher: You’re mine now! Jeffrey: Get off her! Liz: Jeffrey! You totally knocked him out! Jeffery: Remember that in case any exes of yours ever show up and you think of leaving me, okay? Liz: Wow! That’s sure specific! Jessica: So I guess everything ends well for me. I learned nothing but still came up smelling like roses! ----------------------------------- Lila: Hey Jess, go torment Shelley. Jessica: Hey Shelley, are you going to the dance? Shelley: Probably not. Jessica: Hahaha it’s funny because she’s tall and awkward. Amy: Seriously Jess, after the bullet you just dodged, you’d think you’d be a little more considerate. Jessica: Consider-what? Have I heard that word before? |
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