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\\#55 Perfect Shot;(and can I just say that on the cover of this book, Jim looks to be about 35 and Shelly has absolutely no human-like characteristics…it’s creepy!) Jeffery: Hey, did you guys hear about the photography contest the newspaper is sponsoring? Liz: Yup! It sounds great, the winner gets their picture published in the paper, and you also win a video camera! Jeffery: I know I’ve never really been into film, but I can think of a certain blond I wouldn’t mind making movies with. Enid: Wow, if we didn’t know the two of you better, we’d all think you were implying something naughty! But, since you're so boring, and Jeffery is questionably gay, we know you're not. ------------------------ Amy: So did you hear about the guy who’s going to come give free ballroom dance lessons? Jessica: No, how’d you hear about that? Amy: My mom’s a sportscaster, duh! Jessica: Well, ballroom dancing skills will certainly impress high school boys, so I’m in! Amy: Me too! It’ll be so much fun to do the waltz and foxtrot at the Varsity Club dance. Jessica: True, because if you remember, SVH dances aren’t just your typical high school gathering of kids in jeans hanging out, they’re black tie affairs! Amy: Sure are! And FYI, Shelly Novak is sure to get an award, because she’s a great athlete. If only she weren’t so hideously tall… ------------------------- Shelly: Sigh. Cathy: Thinking about Greg again? Shelly: Yes. He’s so dreamy, and we’re such good friends, but who would ever want to go out with a giraffe like me? Mrs. Novak: You’re beautiful, Shelly, don’t say that! Shelly: Ha! You’re my mother, you’re legally obligated to say that! ----------------------------- Patrick: Welcome, everyone, to ballroom dancing lessons! Jessica: Oh my God, he’s a babe! Amy: I know! And he’s only 22, which is totally reasonable for someone who’s 16! He’s mine! Jessica: Step off, bitch! He’s mine! Amy: What? I’m the one in love with him! Jessica: I know he hasn’t even opened his mouth yet, but I love him too! Hey Patrick, I can’t figure out the box step! Amy: Me either! Patrick: Seriously? You just dance around in a square. Jessica: I need help, I’m too stupid! Amy: No, me! I’m so dumb I can’t even find the door handle to get out of my house! And by the way, Shelly looks ridiculous, she’s so tall! Patrick: Oy! ------------------------------- Cathy: Now Shelly, you promised you’d ask Greg out today. Shelly: I know, I know! Greg, do you think you’d want to go to the Varsity Club dance with me? Greg: Uh, no. I know we’re good friends and all, but we’d look absurd because as you know, it’s completely unheard of for guys to date girls who aren’t at least 3 inches shorter than they are. Shelly: Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh I’m soooooo ugly! Jim: Wow Shelly, I think you’re a great dancer. Shelly: Eh, whatever. --------------------------------- Shelly: Hey Jim, I saw you taking pictures of me during the game. I don’t care if you’re taking photos for The Oracle, destroy them right now, capsice? Jim: But Shelly, you’re so beautiful and – Shelly: I SAID NOW!!!!!!! ROAR!!!!!!!!!!! ---------------------------------- Jeffery: Wow Jim, those are really good, you should enter the newspaper photo contest. Jim: Maybe. Jeffery: Seriously, they’re great pictures. Enter. Jim: I probably will. But isn’t it a little weird for you to be trying to get me to compete with you? Jeffery: You’d think, but I’m a little weird. Jim. Ah. Well, I’ve known Shelly for almost a day and I’m totally, completely in love with her, so do I enter her photos because I know how beautiful she looks, or respect her wishes? Hmmm…okay, fine, I’m entering! ---------------------------- Jessica: Hey Amy, I’m so sure that Patrick will be my date to the dance that I bet you a new outfit he goes with me and not you. Amy: Dream on, princess! He wants me! Liz: Uh, do either of you realize that if that’s true, he’s kind of a pedophile? Jessica: Stay out of it Liz! I’m just about 50 books away from getting engaged to a 23-year-old, you can protest me being with an older guy then! --------------------------- Shelly: What the f*** Jim, you promised not to enter my picture! Jim: But you’re so beautiful! Shelly: I said take it out, dammit! Jim: Fine! Cathy: But Shelly, he really does like you, he’s not trying to humiliate you! Shelly: You’re right! Jim, I’m glad you entered my photo. Jim: Nope, took it out already. Sheesh, women are nuts! First it’s one thing, and then it’s another, and you’re mad if we do something, but madder if we don’t! Shelly: Hey, I’m just projecting my insecurities on you. Jim: Well, too bad, I took it out, it’s over! Shelly: Mr. Collins, can you re-enter this in the contest? Mr. Collins: Sure thing, Shel. And it’s not weird at all that you came to my home to ask me that! ------------------------------- Mr. Collins: So, Jeffery, you came in second. And Jim, you came in first! Jeffery: I knew I shouldn’t have pushed Jim to enter! If I hadn’t, I’d have that camera and be making naked videos of me and Liz right now! That’d prove to the readers that I’m not really gay! By which I mean, congrats Jim! Shelly: That’s so great, Jim! Jim: Yeah, but we keep miscommunicating, so instead of working it out, I think we should just leave each other alone. Shelly: Wahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Cathy: Wow, you really are kind of a brat, aren’t you? ------------------------------- Cathy: Geez Shelly, you’re ruining the game for us! Shelly: I’m just so heartbroken over Jim! I know, I’ll write him a note! After all, his newspaper interview that accompanied my photo said he ‘fell in love’ with his subject, and his subject was me! Jim: Shelly, I do love you! Shelly: Now let’s go see about winning this game! Greg: Great game, Shelly! Want to go to the dance with me? Now that you did something cool, I could make the sacrifice. Shelly: No thanks, a**hole. I have a date! One who doesn’t care if I’m a giraffe! -------------------------------- Liz: Jess, how’d you afford that dress? Jessica: Amy’s paying me back for it when I win a bet with her. I bet her that Patrick would dance with me more. Amy: Oh my God, you’re wearing my dress! Jessica: You’re wearing my dress! Amy: Well take it off! Jessica: No! I only get naked on school property if it means someone’s going to feel me up! Patrick: Ladies, meet my girlfriend. Amy & Jessica: Wow, we really are morons! Friends forever! Mr. Russo: By the way ladies, your grades are so atrocious, you will have to come on an extra-credit field trip. Amy: I am so getting out of that! Jessica: Hey! A chance to hook up with a hot guy while doing extra credit! |
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