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\\#56 Lost at Sea;Jessica: Boy do I hate having to do extra credit work on a weekend! Elizabeth: Please Jess, you hate having to do any work on any day of the week. Maybe if you weren’t so lazy and careless, you wouldn’t have to spend your weekend doing extra credit. Jessica: Nah. As long as I’m stuck going, instead of paying attention and learning something and earning my credit, I should probably concentrate on guys. Elizabeth: Typical Jess! I can barely believe we’re related! Jessica: I’m not really into any of the guys that are going, and I've already made out with most of them, so I guess I’ll just pick the hottest one…Ken Matthews, here I come! Elizabeth: Wow Jess, don’t you think that outfit is not only really slutty for a 16-year-old, but also totally impractical for this trip? Jessica: Please, Liz. If I don’t show off the goods, there’s no way in hell Ken would EVER be interested in an airhead like me! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Russo: Welcome, everyone, to the biology field trip I am conducting even though I am obviously a chemistry teacher. Jessica: Hey Ken, nice ass! Ken: Hey Jessica, nice rack! Jessica: Aww, you’re so sweet! Mr. Russo: Jessica, you’ll be paired with the 3 biggest nerds in school today. Jessica: Well then I’ll just have to do my best to make sure I ruin this extra credit opportunity for everyone! Ken: Too bad, Jess. I totally would’ve nailed you on the island. Winston: Hey Jess! Looks like we’re best buds for the rest of the day! Jessica: Like I’d ever try to get along with someone so unattractive who doesn’t drive a hot car. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lois: Wow Jessica, it’s amazing how you put so much energy into not doing anything productive! I mean, if you spent half as much time on this project as you did trying to get out of it, we’d definitely get the extra credit! Mr. Russo: Hey everyone, there’s a storm with waves and wind like a hurricane! Let’s get back in the boat and race it to shore, instead of staying on land like intelligent people! Students: YAY!!!!! Mr. Russo: Oh no, the boat is capsizing! Quick everyone, get in these inflatable rafts and paddle yourselves to safety against these strong riptides and tsunami-like waves! Jessica: Dammit Winston, you’re so clumsy! You made our boat collapse and now my hair’s all wet! Oh well, might as well use all my muscles from cheerleading and swim to the nearest island… Elizabeth: Hey, where’s Jessica? We’re all miraculously safe, but Jessica and Winston aren’t here! Ken: Eh, she’ll turn up. She always does. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jessica: Hey Winston, fancy meeting you on this desserted island. I should hate you, but you have food, so let’s be friends. Winston: Okay! We’ll be fine, as long as we don’t get treed by a bear or anything. That would make me feel so un-manly. Jessica: Eh, I’ve been cornered by a bear (in Perfect Summer). It’s not so bad. And as long as we’re stranded, I might as well get tan and lose weight eating only fruit and fish while you do all the work, making strives for feminism everywhere! Winston: Gee, thanks Jessica! You’re swell! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mrs. Wakefield: Well, I’d be upset, but you twins are always getting kidnapped, or running away, and you always turn up. So feel free to go on Nicholas’s boat to look for her without us even though the weather looks grim. Elizabeth: That’s right, mom. Plus, if Jess was dead, I’d know it. We’re twins, in case you forgot. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Winston: Hey Jess, we can totally signal for help with this Swiss Army knife or your bracelet. Jessica: Of course! A flimsy piece of metal will save us! Winston: Hey! There’s a helicopter now! Jessica: We’re saved! I hope my hair doesn’t look too disgusting! Reporter: Jessica, how did you survive for a whole 24 hours without food, shelter, or hairspray? Jessica: Well, even though the homeless do it every day, I’m the real hero here, and I’ll take all the credit even though Winston did all the work. Winston: You’re so noble, Jess! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elizabeth: Hey Olivia, in the interest of setting up the plot for the next book, how’s your love life? Olivia: Crappy, Liz. I wish I could meet a nice, hot hunk. Penny: Hey guys, did you hear about the new short courses we’re going to get to take? Jessica: Wow! I’m signing up for whichever one has the most guys instead of something I might benefit from! Olivia: And I’ll sign up for one with a hot professor that I can develop a massive, unrequited crush on so that we can move on to book #57! All: Hooray! |
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