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\\#88 Love Letters for Sale;Todd: I loved that article you did, Liz. Elizabeth: Thank you! I think everyone should know about sexual harassment! Todd: *Holds hand* Narrator: The Twins look exactly alike and are more similar than different. Elizabeth: Isn't that supposed to be that we are mirror images on the outside but on the inside as different as day and night? Narrator: This is the only book where we say the opposite of what has been said for every other book. Elizabeth: Yeah, but... why? Narrator: Back to story. Elizabeth: I have a steady boyfriend named Todd. Jessica: I have a steady boyfriend named Sam. Sam: Thank you for kissing me. Jessica: Anytime. Todd: Elizabeth, will you kiss me? Elizabeth: We can't do it in public. Todd: But they just did. Elizabeth: Well, I'm different. Todd: Alright, I understand. Elizabeth: I bought a computer! I can use it to type up papers instead of using a typerwriter! Todd: Wow, that's amazing! Sam: How about we make references to things that occured over the last eleven books? Todd: Alright. Remember what happened in book 85, the one where the twins went on that show? Sam: Yeah, that was when Jessica and I broke up. Todd: Well, Elizabeth and I broke up in the book right before it, book 84, so you had to have your turn. Sam: Remember club X, in book 86? Todd: How wise of you to make a reference to that. Elizabeth: Let's go out. Todd: Alright. Shelley: Remember book 77, when Tony went on steroids? Todd: Yes, I do. Shelley: Oh, poor me. Todd: We need to help Shelley. Elizabeth: Why is Shelley named Shelley? Jessica: How about you write letters so we can buy our boyfriends gifts? Elizabeth: Great idea! Todd: Hey. Elizabeth: You were great at basketball practice. Todd: Thank you for kissing me. Elizabeth: Go see what's wrong with Shelley. Shelley: Oh, poor me. Todd: Hey, what's the matter? Shelley: I think Jim is cheating on me. Todd: Oh. Shelley: I want you so much. Shelley: I like Todd. Elizabeth: Let's start this letter project. Jessica: Alright, you write the letters. Elizabeth: Hey. Shelley: Todd is so great. I wish Jim was like him. Elizabeth: Todd is great, he is my boyfriend. Jessica: Hey, there's a letter form Shelley. Shelley's letter: I like Todd. I want you to tell Todd how I feel. I want him to hold me and touch me and feel me up. I have a boyfriend, though. He has a girlfriend. Oh, Todd... Jessica: Steven, what do I do? Steven: Don't tell Elizabeth Shelley sent the letter, change the names. Elizabeth: What a story! I'll write a great letter. That guy's girlfriend is going down. Jessica: Uh-oh... Elizabeth: what? Jessica: You really shouldn't write the letter. Elizabeth: Why not? Jessica: Don't do it. Elizabeth: I'm going to write a letter to get my boyfriend to fall for someone else. Elizabeth: Todd is very understanding. Jessica: So is Sam. Shelley: Todd... Todd... Elizabeth: Hey! Shelley: I'm making a play for your boyfriend. Todd: Hey, Elizabeth. Elizabeth: Hi, Todd. Todd: Want to go on a date with me? Elizabeth: I can't make it. Todd: Why? Elizabeth: It's a surprise. You'll like it. Todd: Alright. Shelley: I wonder what Todd will say when he sees my letter. Forget Jim. It's Todd I'm after. I should buy some lingerie for him. Elizabeth: I need to call Todd. I have so many letters to write that I need to cancel our date again. Todd: Hi, ready for our date? Elizabeth: I can't go, I'm sorry. Todd: What? Again? I made another date with you and now you're canceling it? Elizabeth: Yeah. I'm canceling all of our dates so I can buy you a new jacket. Shelley: Let me go seduce Todd. Todd: Hey. Shelley: Hey, baby. Want some lovin'? Todd: Well... Shelley: Let me change into something more comfortable and we can watch a movie while I give you a lapdance. Todd: I'm in a relationship. Shelley: So am I... We belong together... Feel my body... Todd: Talking about movies with you is fun. Elizabeth: Things with Todd are going great. Jessica: A letter from Todd. Todd's letter: The person I'm dating is acting distant. I received a letter from someone. Can you write a letter back to the person I'm dating and to the person who sent me the letter? Elizabeth: Let me write the letters. I'm going to get Todd this jacket. Todd: Hey. Elizabeth: Let's go to the Dairi Burger. Todd: Well... actually I just got a letter from Shelley and will be sending a letter out. Elizabeth: Hm? Todd: Let's watch Shelley play basketball. Elizabeth: Are you really attracted to Shelley? Todd: Well, it's clear that I like you and there is no way that Shelley is my type, but for the book's sake, I will stare at Shelley and act like I'm interested. Elizabeth: I wonder why Todd is looking at Shelley. Todd: Are you cheating on me? Elizabeth: How could you say that? Jessica: Elizabeth is in trouble. Sam: What happened? Jessica: She sent a letter to Todd and Shelley. Sam: What's the matter? Jessica: She sent a letter to herself, breaking up with her and pursuing Shelley. Sam: You should have told the truth. Jessica: Steven told me not to. Maybe things will work out. Sam: Hopefully they will. Jessica: Thank you, boyfriend. Elizabeth: What's this letter? Letter: We're breaking up, you're having sex with someone else. Elizabeth: That's the letter that I wrote! What's going on? Elizabeth: I'm going to eat cake. Jessica: Sorry about the letter incident, I tried to get it back from the mailman. Elizabeth: If I knew what was going on, I never would've written the letter! Who is trying to steal my man? Jessica: Shelley. Elizabeth: What the hell? Shelley, that whore. Shelley is going after my man? I'm going to kick Shelley's ass. Jessica: My man was right about this. Elizabeth: Hey. Todd: Hi. Elizabeth: Why did you send me that letter? Why are you going out with someone else? Todd: Because the story wanted to make me reciprocate Shelley's feelings even though it's clear that I love you. Elizabeth: Well, why did you send me that letter? Todd: You keep canceling our dates. Are you dating someone else? Elizabeth: What? Todd: I have to have Shelley as my love interest because you keep canceling our dates. Elizabeth: I'm doing a project to help you! Todd: You're cheating on me! Elizabeth: I'm not! Shelley: I'm going on a date with Todd! I better put my hot clothes on. Todd: It's time for the date with Shelley. Out of every character this story could have put me with, why did they choose Shelley? Shelley: Hey, lover boy. Todd: You're a good listener. Shelley: How about we go for a nice joyride, hey, sweetie? Todd: I got Letters R Us to write the letter. Shelley: What? I thought you liked me? Todd: I love Elizabeth. Sorry. Shelley: Well, I used Letters R Us, too. Todd: That was quick. Let me get back to Elizabeth, now. Shelley, this is your last storyline. Shelley: Alright. Todd: Hey. Jessica: Hi, Todd. Todd: You were behind the letter service? Jessica: Elizabeth and I wanted to buy our boyfriends presents. Todd: I have to apologize to Elizabeth! Shelley: My last storyline. Jim: Hey. Shelley: I've been cheating on you and seducing Todd for this entire book. Jim: Really? Shelley: Will you forgive me? Jim: Sure. It's our last storyline anyway. Elizabeth: Todd loves Shelley. Todd is in love with Shelley. Todd: Elizabeth. Elizabeth: I know! You love Shelley! Todd: We went out the other night, but I love you-! Elizabeth: I don't believe it! You love Shelley! Todd: Listen to me! Elizabeth: I hope you and Shelley have a great life! Elizabeth: Todd's new jacket arrived in the mail! Elizabeth: Todd loves Shelley. Todd loves Shelley now. I know it. Right now they are making sweet, passionate love. Todd loves Shelley. Elizabeth: A letter from Todd. He must be writing a love letter to Shelley. From now on, Todd will love Shelley. Todd loves Shelley, this must be a love letter to Shelley from Todd. Todd's letter Letter: I love Elizabeth, come back to me. Elizabeth: I'll write a letter to Todd. Elizabeth's letter: Todd, I'm so sorry. I love you. Please take me back. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I was so wrong. I'm sorry I neglected you. I'm sorry I made you have to resort to Shelley. Please forgive me. Elizabeth: Here's a letter. Todd: I love you. I'm sorry I doubted you. Elizabeth: I love you. Todd: *Kiss* Elizabeth: Did you really like Shelley? Todd: I love you. Besides, how could I possibly like Shelley? I mean, seriously. Elizabeth: Here's a jacket for you. Todd: *Kiss* Todd: I'll give the jacket to you. Elizabeth: Thank you! Todd: Let's order matching ones. Elizabeth: We are back together! |
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