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\\#95 The Morning After;*Liz’s dream* Weird girl: I have a knife and I’m coming to kill you with it. Mwahahahaha! Liz: You look like me but you have black hair. *Liz wakes up* Liz: I will use this time lying in bed to recap what happened in A Night to Remember and the time skipped between the two books. We had a Jungle Prom and me and Jess both though we should’ve been queen. Then things went fuzzy and I got in a car accident with her hunkalicious boyfriend Sam, whose now dead. She had be sedated and didn’t even go to the funeral, but I did. That sucked. And, hey now, because of that long ass recap our own descriptions were cut down from two pages to two paragraphs! Jessica: *waking up* I must look so pretty in the sunlight. Even in the midst of depression I never cease to be vain. Wah!!! Sam’s dead! And it’s all my--no! Elizabeth’s fault! I’ve never been responsible for anything in my life so why start now? Liz: Jessica- Jessica: Leave me alone, killer. ----------------------------------------- Bruce: I’ve got the hots for a girl I don’t know her name and never really met, but she saved my life! That’s a real connection right there. And I know she’ll love if she only got to know me. Everybody loves me! At least for a little while. Bruce: Now, since I’m more emotionally stable than the wonder twins I shall give a more objective recap. Sam died. Which sucks. He seemed nice. And then Lila claimed her counselor tried to rape her. How much money you wanna bet she’s lying, the tease? And then a beautiful dark angel saved my life from the hands of a crazy baseball wielding Big Mesan and I am on a mission to find her. ----------------------------------------- Lila: My life sucks. Why do all the guys in my life want to rape me except my father? He doesn’t want anything to do with me. Amy: Do you want to talk about it? Lila: Leave me alone! You’re not really my friend! You’re just a dumb blond follower. Mr. Collins: Meeting time! Mr. Cooper: Lila, we’re having a meeting. Instead of being professional, and having you talk to a female counselor who’s job is to deal with situations like this, we’re going to make your recap your testimony in front of your father and the guy you’re accusing. Lila: How could my life get any worse! ----------------------------------------- Margo: I’m evil! And I have plans!!! Mwahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!! ----------------------------------------- Liz: I killed Sam. Mrs. Wakefield: No you didn’t. Liz: Did too. Jessica’s right to hate me. Mrs. Wakefield: She’ll get over it as soon as she finds her next boy toy to screw with. If you’re not ready to go to school yet, I understand. Liz: No. What else is there to write about me staying at home pining away? Enid: Hey, Liz! Liz: You’re not Todd or Jessica. Enid: I’m here for you. Todd: Even though I know you were acting weird at the dance I’m going to ignore you and not even ask for an explanation. Hi, Enid. ----------------------------------------- Amy: I suck at history. Lila: You suck at a lot of things. Amy: But I might have to do an extra credit project! Annie: How horrible! A fate worse than death! Jessica: Yeah. My boyfriend was killed last weekend and Lila was almost raped, but you might have to do an extra credit project. Yeah, you’ve definitely got it worse. Amy: I’ll cheer you up with the power of gossip! Bruce has got the hots for some mystery woman. She’s probably a bag and he’s ashamed of it. Bruce: Hey, ladies. It’s a gorgeous day but not as gorgeous as me! Amy: God, he’s scary. ----------------------------------------- Bruce: I’m such a dork for hanging around Big Mesa every day. Hey ugly girls, do you know a girl with long black and blue eyes and is really pretty. Because God knows there can’t be more than one girl that looks like that at this school. Ugly Girls: Oh you mean that slut, Pamela Robertson. Bruce: What are you saying? Bruce: Hey four-eyes, I’m looking for Pamela Robertson. Dorky Boy: The tramp? Yeah, I’d sure like to get a piece of her ass. She plays tennis. Bruce: What are you insinuating? ----------------------------------------- Olivia: I need a plot since I’ve been absent for about ten books now. Geez. Let’s go with “I want a boyfriend!” Harry: That’s a really nice painting. It’s making me hot. ----------------------------------------- Margo: I’m evil. I shall look for food evilly. Ooh! I’ll burn the house down and Nina with it! ----------------------------------------- Mr. Cooper: Now Lila, tell us how that nice man over there looking at you tried to rape you. Mr. Fowler: He tried to rape you? Lila: Umm… I made the whole thing up. Mr. Fowler: What’s going on?! ----------------------------------------- Steven: Cheer up everybody! Even though Jessica’s boyfriend’s dead and Liz killed him it’s no reason for everyone to be so glum! Liz: Jessica- Jessica: Leave me alone, killer! Steven: Why is everyone’s pmsing? ----------------------------------------- Nina: I’m pitiful and cute and hungry. Please feed me. Margo: Play with the toaster. Margo: The roof! The roof! The roof is one fire! We don’t need no water let the mother fuckers burn! Burn, motherfuckers!! ----------------------------------------- Olivia: My love life sucks. Nicholas: At least you’ve had a love life. I’ve only gotten one date out of Liz using extortion. Olivia: What about Andrea? Nicholas: Who? Hey, you wanna have sex? Olivia: I won an art thing. Nicholas: Cool! Let’s celebrate with sex! ----------------------------------------- Bruce: God you’re so hot. You saved my life. I owe you a date. Pamela: Oh…you…. Sure I’ll go out with you. ----------------------------------------- Lila: I don’t want to go to school. George: Okay. What am I going to do? I’m only one man!!!! I know! I’ll call her mother who she hasn’t seen since she was a baby and is a complete stranger and let her deal with it. ----------------------------------------- Pamela: I love you. Bruce: I love you more. ----------------------------------------- Margo: I just killed a little girl and now I’m going to Ohio. Evilly, of course. ----------------------------------------- Olivia: Okay, let me get this straight. You like me so much you’re buying my painting and set up this whole stupid ruse that I won an art award just to get me to your house. Are you a stalker? Or just psychotic? Harry: I’m rich. Olivia: Sweet! I hope you last longer than my last boyfriend did. *cracks knuckles* ----------------------------------------- Jessica: Sam, you’re dead and it’s all my fault. No! Liz killed you! Stupid Liz! Everything’s always her fault. She thinks she’s so great. ----------------------------------------- Bruce: I love Pamela!!!!! Roger: You know she’s a slut, right? Bruce: Are you still talking? I don’t speak Rogerish. ----------------------------------------- Margo: I’m just an evil-no sweet kil-no girl- from New York. You’re son would look so cute drowning-I mean, riding a bicycle. Yeah. Hey, you’re other son teh sex. Can we take my payment out in trade. Ms. Rossi: You’re such a sweet girl. Sure I’ll let you watch my son without a single check into your background. ----------------------------------------- Bruce: Everyone, I am in love with Pamela Robertson. Amy: I know you like the sluts, Bruce, but aren’t those the kind of girls you normally cheat on your girlfriends with? Like me? Bruce: Who are you calling a slut? ----------------------------------------- Bruce: She’s not a slut. She’s not a slut. Who care’s if everyone’s calling her that? *goes over to Pamela’s house and finds her coming home in the morning with some guy* Bruce: Slut! ----------------------------------------- Jessica: Sam’s still dead! And I killed him what am I going to do? Police: We’re here to arrest your daughter. Jessica: Oh my God, they know I did it. Police: Elizabeth Wakefield, you’re under arrest. Liz: I know. Jessica: I’m off the hook! Yippee!!! ----------------------------------------- Margo: My reign of terror is just beginning. Mwahahahahah! |
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