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\\#117 Jessica the Genius;Jessica: Liz, you nerd, stop studying for the SATs. Elizabeth: No. I have to memorize the dictionary by 8am tomorrow. Jessica: Fine, suit yourself. I'm going to be my usual reckless self and go out with Ken to relax, then get a good night's sleep before the exam. Todd: Hey Liz, the University of Michigan offerred me a full basketball scholarship! Elizabeth: Dammit Todd, I'm studying. But good for you. Todd: I know! But even though NCAA rules say that high school players only have to get a 700 combined SAT score to play college basketball, they want me to get at least a 1200. Guess they're just smart like that. Elizabeth: Okay great Todd, now get out, I'm studying! ------------------------------ Jessica: Liz, you look like crap. Elizabeth: Ugh, I hope I can stay awake for the test. Test Proctor: Students, you may begin your test. Jessica: Hi, I'm 20 minutes late and don't have a pencil and am chewing gum like the cow that I am, which is sure to distract others. Test Proctor: Even though it's against the rules, I'll give you a pencil and let you start late. After all, you ARE Jessica Wakefield, so rules don't apply! Jessica: Damn straight! ------------------------------ Lila: I sure do love throwing parties after tests. Amy: Oh Lila, each of your parties is the best party Sweet Valley has ever seen! Lila: I know, isn't that weird? Bruce: I can't wait to blow this joint. I think I'll be a doctor. Jessica: Don't you mean you think you'll sit on your ass and spend Daddy's money like always? Bruce: Probably, but I still have to brag about how much better than all of you I am! Amy: And that's why we love you! ----------------------------- Elizabeth: Jessica, what did you get on the SATs? Jessica: Um, nothing. You? Elizabeth: I didn't even break 1000! Jessica: But you're supposed to be the smart one! Elizabeth: Well, my life is over. Todd: Mine's not! I got over 1200 and the scholarship offers just keep on coming. Elizabeth: Todd, am I dumb? Todd: Probably. Not now Liz, I'm too busy being smug and self-centered. Elizabeth: Mr. Collins, am I stupid? Mr. Collins: Nah. Just show some leg at your college interviews, and you'll be fine. Elizabeth: Great! ---------------------------- Ken: So Jess, what'd you get? Jessica: Eh, not so great. Only nerds score well on the SATs. Lila: So true! Ken: Besides, no one expected you to do well anyway. Jessica: Wait, I just lied so you wouldn't think I'm a nerd. I did really well! Lila: Uh, sure you did, Jess. Jessica: I did! Check out the hideously inappropriate assembly being held for me and Winston, the two highest scorers. Never mind that our scores are confidential information, yet Mr. Cooper is sharing them with all of SVH! Todd: Yeah, must be nice to be recognized for once. Of course, I get recognized constantly. Elizabeth: Todd, you're acting like a jerk. Todd: Love it or leave it, baby! ------------------------------ Mr. Cooper: Jessica, because in the past you've been such a dumbass, we're insisting you take the SATs again. Jessica: No. Mr. Wakefield: If you do it, I'll let you take a week off to visit Steven, and give you money too! Jessica: Okay, but only because it'll mean this miniseries can continue with me and Liz at SVU for the next 2 books. Elizabeth: Jess, everyone's saying you stole my scores. Did you? Jessica: Real nice Liz, believe the SVH rumor mill over your own sister's integrity? Elizabeth: Integrity? You don't have integrity. Jessica: True. But it's still mean! ------------------------------ Mr. Cooper: Well, Liz, you scored really high this time, and Jessica scored really low. Elizabeth: I wonder if it's because this time I was relaxed about it, and Jessica was high strung and sleep-deprived, which is the opposite of last time. Mr. Cooper: Maybe. But probably not, so Jessica is suspended. Jessica: Fine! I hate you all anyway! ------------------------------ Todd: Wow, my ego is so huge right now, I can't believe my head fit through the gym door to get to the big game! Coach: Oh no, Wilkins is hurt! Doctor: He fractured his ankle, he'll be out indefinitely. Recruiters: Oh well, he's a junior, so he only has about 18 months to heal, so let's give up on him. Elizabeth: Todd, I'm so sorry this happened. But let's start getting along again, okay? Todd: Sure! Especially since no one else is paying attention to me! ------------------------------ Elizabeth: Mr. Cooper, we are demanding you give Jessica a fair trial in front of a jury of 6 staff members and 6 students who don't know her. Mr. Cooper: Fine, if you insist. Although as we all know, Jessica is so popular, how will we find 12 people at SVH that don't know her? Jessica: I'm sure you can scrape up some nerds somewhere along the way. Elizabeth: So as you see, jury, Jessica is being accused of something without real proof that she cheated. Jury: Well, that's pretty obvious. I mean, seriously, Mr. Cooper and the School Board? Ever heard of circumstantial evidence? Elizabeth: And let's not forget all the times the narrator lets us know that Jessica is really smart, just lazy. And now we are punishing her for applying herself? That seems wrong. Jury: We find Jessica innocent! Jessica: YAY! Now we get to go to SVU and spend a week with Steven! Mr. Wakefield: Yup, I did promise that. Because what better reward for academic problems than letting you take a week off of school? Jessica & Elizabeth: Thanks, Daddy! |
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