\\#118 College Weekend;

Alice: I can't believe my little girls are going to college!

Elizabeth: We're not really going to college, mom.

Jessica: Although we will be majorly scoping out college men!

Ned: Hey, I didn't say you could go to parties or anything.

Jessica: Please, Daddy. When have you ever had a reason to not trust me?

Ned: Only on days ending in 'y' sweetie!

Todd: Oh Liz, a whole week apart?

Elizabeth: I know! However will we survive? It's like a tragic love story! Two sixteen year olds separated for an entire week!

Ken: I'll miss you, Jess.

Jessica: I'll cheat on you, Ken.

Ken: Huh?

Jessica: I said, bye honey!

---------------------------

Jessica: Hey Liz, let's have a party at Steven's tonight.

Elizabeth: No. That's irresponsible

Jessica: Well I'm gonna do it anyway, so you might as well agree.

Elizabeth: Fine!

Billie: Okay twins, we'll be on our way, leaving you alone overnight on your first day away from home!

Jessica: Sweet! Now we can have our party and no one will know!

Elizabeth: Fine, but I'm not cleaning up.

Jessica: Here's the part where I agree to whatever you want, knowing that you'll do all the work anyway!

----------------------------

Darcy: Ragin' party, Jess!

Jessica: I know, right?

Elizabeth: Jessica, there's BEER here! And these kids are underage! Some are even throwing up! Who knew that college parties were like this!

Jessica: It's just because our high school parties are so unrealistic, what with everyone wearing ballgowns and eating snooty hors d'ouevres all the time instead of like normal high school parties, with jeans and kegs.

Zack: Hey, you're so fine!

Jessica: That's because I'm a transfer student from Princeton.

Zack: Let's get naked.

Jessica: Okay!

Elizabeth: Jessica! You can't lie to him, we're only here for a week! And what about Ken?

Jessica: Lighten up, Liz! It's not cheating if I lie to Zack about who I really am!

Ian: Hi Liz, you're sexy.

Elizabeth: I have a boyfriend, but we can be friends.

Ian: For now, anyway...want to come to class with me?

Elizabeth: Sure!

-----------------------------

Billie: Steven, this vacation spot is a hole, let's go home.

Steven: Okay.

Billie: Oh my gosh, this place is trashed!

Steven: Dammit twins, what the hell?

Jessica: It's probably Liz's fault.

Elizabeth: F*** you, Jess!

----------------------------

Prof. Newkirk: Well, I'm an old ugly hag, and you're a pretty young thing! Therefore I must tear you apart!

Elizabeth: I'm just as good at journalism as anyone in this room, if not better!

Prof. Newkirk: Then you can enter our essay contest, 1,000 words on college life.

Elizabeth: I'll enter, and I'll win! Billie, Steven, get out of your room, I'm using the computer.

Billie: Okay, we'll sleep in the living room on the floor.

----------------------------

Zack: Damn Jess, you're so sexy, I can't believe I never noticed you...

Elizabeth: That's because she's not really...

Jessica: [clamping hand over Liz's mouth] It's because I'm a transer, remember?

Elizabeth: Do you remember Ken, Jess?

Jessica: Ken? Ken who? Come on, Zack.

Magda: You know who's hot? Zack.

Jessica: [Gulp]

Magda: By the way, you're totally Theta material.

Jessica: [double Gulp].

----------------------------

Prof. Newkirk: Elizabeth, your paper on the use of alcohol on college campuses is the finest work I've ever read. You should take the GED and come to college immediately!

Elizabeth: Hey, great idea! That would be terrific! I'm sure my family won't mind, and nothing else in my life could possibly change as a result!

Jessica: Well, we'll find that out in the next book, which is the last in this miniseries, won't we Liz?

Elizabeth: I guess we will, Jess!