\\#119 Jessica's Older Guy;

Jessica: Oh crap, Magda can’t see me with you!

Zack: Huh?

Jessica: I said, there’s a fire! Quick, let’s go out the women’s restroom window!

Zack: If there’s a fire, how come I don’t smell smoke or see anyone else leaving or –

Jessica: Shut up Zack! There’s no time! Come on!

Zack: Okay then!

Jessica: That was close!

Liz: So, Jess, I’m going to take the GED exam and stay at SVU.

Jessica: WHAT????

Liz: Calm down, Jess. I know we’re twins so it’ll be hard to be separated, but –

Jessica: F*** the twin stuff! Who’s gonna cover my ass in front of Mom and Dad if you’re gone? Who’s gonna bail me out when I do something stupid? And how will I borrow your clothes without asking?

Liz: You’re so thoughtful! Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.

Todd: Liz, how could you?

Ken: I’ll comfort you, Todd. I’m just glad it’s not Jess, I don’t know what I’d do if she left SVH.

Todd: Really? Hmm, I wonder if what you just said is foreshadowing.

Jessica: Hey Liz, guess what? I’m going to stay at SVU too!

Liz: Wow! If it’s so easy to just drop out of high school, get your GED, and go to college, why does anyone go to high school at all?

Jessica: Beats me! But now I don’t have to break up with Zack and he’ll never know I wasn’t really in college this whole time!

Liz: Yay!

Enid: Oh nooo!!!!! What’s the point of living if the Wakefields aren’t at SVH?

Olivia: Who will have wacky adventures with us? And be our friend to turn to in our times of need?

Lila: Well, I will be indisputably the most popular girl at SVH, so who cares?

Bruce: Even I don’t want them to stay at SVU, and the authors are always talking about how much I clash with the twins!

Todd: I know! We’ll make them think we hate them, and they’ll come running back!

Ken: That’s brilliant! But I can’t help but thinking there’s something else going on with Jess that I can’t put my finger on…

Enid: It’s not like Jessica would ever, ever cheat on you, Ken!

Elizabeth’s Boss: Hey Sweetcheeks, can you get the phones, fax this stuff, and fetch my coffee?

Liz: How dare you!

Elizabeth’s Boss: What’s the problem, Beautiful?

Liz: I’m an intern and I’ve been here an entire day! I demand my own byline at this publication!

Elizabeth’s Boss: Sorry, Dollface, interns are the lowest of the low. We all gotta start somewhere.

Liz: Not Elizabeth Wakefield! I’ve written for the community paper and cracked a major crime investigation with the London Times! It involved werewolves!

Elizabeth’s Boss: Uhhh…sure it did, Babycakes.

Liz: I quit! And I’m going to be the first person ever to write about sexual harassment in the workplace!

Elizabeth’s Boss: (muttering) Man, for a high school student, that is one arrogant broad!

Ian: Hey Liz, you wanna go out?

Liz: Men! You’re all such pigs!

Jessica: So Liz, how about you pretend to be me so that I can go to the dance with Zack, but Magda will think it’s you, and therefore she’ll hate you and not me and it doesn’t really matter since you don’t want to be a Theta anyway?

Liz: Absolutely not! I will not cave, not this time!

Jessica: Please?

Liz: Oh, fine!

Jessica: Hey Magda, my slutty sister is stealing your man.

Magda: That bitch!

Todd: Okay, operation Bring Back the Twins is starting now!

Ken: Hey Todd, let’s not wait for the twins to get back from their dinner, let’s go find them!

Todd: Great idea!

Ken: Jessica! How could you be dancing with another guy!

Jessica: Oh, lighten up Ken! It’s not like this is the first time I’m going to cheat on you!

Zack: Jessica, what is going on here?

Jessica: Well Zack, I’m really in high school.

Zack: You liar! Oh wait, so am I.

Jessica: How could you!!! Oh wait, we’re both jerks in this case.

Magda: Ha!

Jessica: Ken, please forgive me?

Ken: Well, I’ve had 5 minutes to think it over, and…oh, Jess I can’t stay mad at you!

Enid: Hey Liz, with you gone I’ll be the smartest girl in school!

Lila: And without Jessica, I’ll be the prettiest!

Amy: Says you!

Liz: Um, I think we’re going to come back to SVH on Monday.

Enid: Oh, f***! I mean, yay! Life at SVH has meaning again!