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\\#126 Tall, Dark, and Deadly;Jessica: God, I am so sick of all the loser guys at SVH. Sandy: Maybe that's because you've already been with all of them, Jess - some of them twice - and the authors can't keep creating new characters just so you can fall in love every 5 minutes. Annie: And you tried to make me think I was a slut! Jessica: Whatever. Let's just eat our burgers, fries and milkshakes, which, even though we eat this junk all the time, we never get tired of or seem to gain weight from. Lila: Bo. Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo! I love Bo! Jessica: Great, Li, but everyone needs to pay attention to me. Check out my new earrings! Annie: Wow Jess, why would you wear diamonds to the Dairi Burger? Jessica: Oh please, like I'd lose one. Lila: Uh, Jess, there's only 1 earring left in your ears. Jessica: Crap. Lila, let's look through the Dumpster and see if we can find it. Lila: Okay, I'll help, in spite of being a prissy snob who is wearing silk to the Dairi Burger. Jessica: That's almost as odd as me wearing diamonds here. Lila: I know! Hey look, a kitten. Jessica: Aww, isn't she cute? I think I'll keep her. Holy shit Lila, there's a dead body in the Dumpster! Lila: Oh man, is this one of those things that should probably traumatize us for a good long while, but, in the interest of plot advancement, we'll manage to repress? Jessica: Probably. Looks like he was bitten by an animal. Lila: How mysterious! ------------------------------------------------- Mysterious Anonymous Guy: Hmmm, I hope no one catches on that I'm a vampire! I came here because I'm lonely and this town is so full of life. Especially that trampy blond in the garbage bin! I know I shouldn't leave dead teenagers lying around, but a guy's gotta eat, right? ------------------------------------------------- Todd: Hey Liz, did you notice how much attention I'm paying to you tonight? Liz: Of course Todd, but I secretly want another guy. These wonderfully romantic beach picnics just aren't cutting it anymore. Todd: What? Liz: Nothing. Just talking to myself. Take me home okay? Todd: Sure. ------------------------------------------------ Enid: Hey Liz, how are you - Liz: Shut up, Enid. I see Maria. Enid: But - Liz: Shut up, Enid, Hey, Maria! Maria: Hey! Liz: Guess who sent me a letter and said he's coming to UCLA? Maria: Joey from camp? Liz: Yes! What do I do? This is a miniseries book, so I'm willing to risk everything with Todd for a fleeting chance with someone I barely know, although we did make out a lot. Enid: Who are you - Liz: Shut up, Enid. Mr. Cooper: Everyone, be careful, a student was murdered last night. In more important and completely unrelated news, we have a new student, Jonathan Cain. Enid & Jessica: Wow, I've never been this deeply in love before! --------------------------------------------------- Liz: Oh Maria, what do I do? Maria: I know! Take advice from a magazine. Liz: Great idea. Okay, I'll stay with Todd, even though my heart's not in it. I mean, I'm 16 years old. It's about time I made a real commitment to someone. ------------------------------------------------- Liz: That's weird, this new guy shows up and everyone starts going all goth like him. Enid: Hey Liz, want to - Liz: Shut up, Enid. Todd: Hey Liz, like my new goth look? Liz: Um, sure Todd. ------------------------------------------------- Jessica (in a note): Hey Jonathan, you're hot and I'm wearing a skimpy outfit. If that doesn't say soulmates, I don't know what does. Want to go out? Jonathan (in a note): Leave me alone, you annoying cow. Jessica: NO ONE treats Jessica Wakefield like that. Ugh, how could any guy resist me? I know I had to wear down Paul in the camping miniseries, but I didn't think I'd have to do that again so soon. Lila: You know whose great? Bo. Jessica: Lila, please. You're a secondary character in this book. Let's concentrate on me. Lila: Sorry. Jessica: Now, I need to get all slutted up to impress this guy. There can't be a guy at SVH who I haven't hooked up with, you know. Lila: Plus, who can resist Jessica Wakefield? Jessica: Exactly. Oh, by the way Lila, if you tell anyone about Liz and Joey at camp, I'll tell your parents about all that stuff you charged while we were there. Lila: I love that our friendship is based on convenience and blackmail! Jessica: Me too! -------------------------------------------------- Liz: Hi Enid. Enid: Oh, so now that I'm a hot goth chick whose been in love, you'll talk to me? Liz: What? Enid: That's right, Liz. In love. With Jonathan. Even though I've never even met him. But I have followed him home, and sappy love songs make me cry, which must mean something. Liz: Uh, what? Enid: Screw you, I'm going to hang out with new friends who have a real bond, based on what we all look like. Liz: Sheesh, thank goodness I have Maria. And this canoe paddle that Joey clearly trespassed in the school and broke into my locker to leave me. What a dreamboat! ---------------------------------------------------- Jessica: Lila, isn't this dress hot? Lila: What? Did you say something about Bo? Jessica: Hey, there's Jonathan! I'm going to run after his motorcycle! Jonathan: Get off, you brat. Jessica: No! I'm Jessica Wakefield! Jonathan: Fine! Then I'll drive you home with no helmet, taking lots of sharp turns. Maybe you'll fall off. Jessica: Huh? Jonathan: Nothing. Hop on. Jessica: That was amazing! Jonathan: If you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from me. Jessica: Oooh, I love a challenge! Besides, we've known each other for like 5 days and I'm totally in love with you. So, no, I won't stay away. -------------------------------------------------- Mysterious Anonymous Guy: Hmm, maybe lurking around in the woods at Miller's Point isn't the best plan. I know, I'll eat this squirrel instead. I know it's not supposed to be totally clear to the reader yet that I, the Mysterious Anonymous Guy who is really a vampire, am in fact Jonathan. But it's pretty obvious, if you think about it for 2 seconds. The real question is, if I'm a vampire, why did I come to California and enroll in high school? Hmmm... -------------------------------------------------- Jessica: Wow, my earring! It's been on my windowsill the whole time! I'll barely pause to wonder how it got there when I know I lost it at the Dairi Burger. Liz: Jess, doesn't it seem like lots of weird stuff has gone on since Jonathan came to town? Jessica: Who cares? He's hot. So shut up. -------------------------------------------------- Jessica: Hey Jonathan, what's up? Hope you don't mind me stopping by like this. Jonathan: Good lord, you're pushy. Okay, fine, we can make out. But I warned you. Jessica: Oooh, I love a guy that threatens me... |
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