\\#128 Kiss of a Killer;
Elizabeth: Oh my God, Katrina’s dead!
Jessica: What the hell is going on down here? Jonathan and I were upstairs, about to get naked, and all of a sudden I hear this commotion. It sort of kills the mood.
Amy: Jessica, my cousin’s dead! Her blood was drained from her body when the lights went out!
Jessica: Oh. That sucks. Hey Jonathan, you wanna head back upstairs?
Jonathan: No. Get out for your own good.
Jessica: No!
Enid: Hey, I bet Jonathan would dump that slut for me if I cleaned his house…
Officer: So Jonathan, where were you when the lights went out?
Jonathan: I already gave you two different answers. You pick the one you like. But anyway I wasn’t there.
Officer: And where are your parents?
Jonathan: Germany. They left me, a regular teenage boy, here alone in this mansion for a few weeks.
Officer: Well! Those are certainly satisfactory answers! I guess you’re not a suspect at all then! And there’s absolutely no reason to call social services just because your parents left a supposed minor child alone for weeks while they travel to Europe.
Jessica: Finally! Let’s get back to fooling around, okay?
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Todd: Oh Liz, it’s been days and I’m still not over you.
Elizabeth: Oh Todd, I –
Joey: Hey, Babe.
Todd: Oh yeah, Joey. Guess I’ll storm away angrily now.
Joey: Liz, what the hell? You go to a party without me?
Elizabeth: Joey, Katrina Sutton was murdered at the party.
Joey: Thank God I wasn’t there then! Come on Liz, you’re fine. Shake it off.
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Ned: Girls, are you idiots? There’s a curfew for a reason. You could’ve been killed!
Alice: You know what happens to me when you girls are in crisis! I become catatonic. Don’t you remember what happened to me when Liz was on trial for killing Sam? Dammit girls, show some sense! You’re grounded!
Jessica: But we can still have a pool party, right?
Elizabeth: Jess, Katrina was murdered last night, and you want to throw a party?
Jessica: Oh yeah, Katrina. Ooops! I totally forgot.
Ned: And no more hanging out with Jonathan Cain.
Jessica: WHAT?????
Alice: Jessica, stop throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. He can come over for dinner.
Jessica: Perfect! Can I have your credit card to buy stuff even though I’m grounded?
Ned: Of course, sweetie.
Elizabeth: Jess, I’m starting to get suspicious of Jonathan.
Jessica: Please. You’re just jealous.
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Jonathan: Aren’t you going to invite me in?
Elizabeth: I guess if I have to.
Alice: Jonathan, you’re barely eating.
Jonathan: Oh, I don’t eat, Mrs. Wakefield. I drink…I mean, great chicken!
Joey: Hey Liz, let’s sneak away and make out.
Elizabeth: Dammit Joey, don’t you know by now that I’m a good girl? I don’t do that. Sheesh. You’d be better off with Jessica.
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Todd: I can’t believe Katrina is dead. Okay then, enough mourning. As long as I’m here, might as well think about Liz.
Liz: I can’t believe Joey didn’t come to this funeral with me. At least it gives me a chance to be with Todd.
Enid: Oh my God I love Jonathan so much!
Jessica: Oh my God I love Jonathan so much!
Amy: Why is no one at this funeral thinking about Katrina? I mean honestly, why come if you’re just going to think about yourselves?
Jessica: Take it easy, Amy. We all feel bad okay?
Enid: Guess I’ll just hang out in the dark cemetery alone for awhile. Nothing better to do, right?
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Jonathan: Oh, Enid. I only ate half of you. You can still be saved. I’ll try to redeem my vampire soul by taking you to the hospital.
Enid in a coma: Oh Jonathan, I still love you so much even though you tried to drink my blood!
Mrs. Rollins: Liz, Enid’s in a coma! She was attacked at the cemetery!
Elizabeth: Poor Enid! There have been plenty of comas in Sweet Valley in the last year, including my own, but this one is serious!
Eind in a coma: Jonathan!
Elizabeth: Jess, Enid said Jonathan in her coma! That must mean he attacked her, and is probably responsible for all the other killings as well!
Jessica: Liz, I know you don’t like him, but don’t you think that’s a bit much?
Elizabeth: No! And we all know that the Sweet Valley Police are a pack of idiots! So I’ll figure this one out myself. Come on, Maria, we’re breaking into Jonathan’s house.
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Elizabeth: Wow, look at all this vampire stuff! I guess I should just steal it and read it at home.
Maria: Terrific plan, Liz.
Elizabeth: Okay, so Jonathan doesn’t show up in any pictures, he had to be invited into my house, and he’s not tan. He must be a vampire!
Jessica: Let’s go, Jonathan!
Elizabeth: Joey, Jessica ran off with Jonathan!
Joey: That’s not interesting. Want to go to a dance Friday?
Elizabeth: Todd, Jessica’s gone!
Todd: Jeez, Liz. Tell your parents! Aren’t you supposed to be the one with common sense? I mean, wait, I still love you, call me if you need me!
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Jonathan: I come here all the time, just to be alone. Want to hear a cryptic story about my past?
Jessica: Sure!
Officer: Hey kids, you shouldn’t be here, we have evidence that the serial killer comes here after he kills people. Say, weren’t you kids at the party where the Sutton girl was killed?
Jessica: Yes.
Officer: Well that’s not suspicious at all! Run along now!
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Elizabeth: Everyone, you know how you’re planning to take justice in your own hands because the cops haven’t found the killer?
Group: Yes.
Elizabeth: Well, Maria and I are pretty sure that Jonathan’s a vampire.
Maria: That’s right. No one has any pictures of him, he’s super strong, he’s not tan, he –
Bruce: That’s enough! I say we find him and burn him like a group of vigilantes!
Group: Yay!
Mrs. Rollins: Liz! Enid’s awake and doing fine! I just left a message at your house.
Elizabeth: Oh my gosh, if you left a message, that means Jess isn’t home, which means she’s with Jonathan, who we now know is a vampire! Joey, can you help me?
Joey: Please, Liz. You break a date with me, then expect me to come help rescue your sister from a serial-killing vampire? What a child.
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Jessica: I guess if I’m packing to spend all eternity with Jonathan, I should take stuff from Liz’s closet.
Jonathan: Are you sure about this?
Jessica: I barely paid attention to what you said, but yes!
Elizabeth: Jess, no!
Jessica: But I love him!
Jonathan: No Jessica, you need to live in the light. Here, take my ring.
Todd: Okay, what just happened here? Jonathan walked toward the water, then all of a sudden, he’s gone and there’s a big bird flying around? Is he the bird? Is he really a vampire, or just a psycho? Wow, it really seems like a lot of things were left unfinished in this one. I mean, I know we’re supposed to assume he really was a vampire, but come ON!
Elizabeth: Hey, wanna get back together?
Todd: You bet!
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