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\\#36 Mary Is Missing;Jessica: Oh My God, Mary hasn't been at school for three days! Something horrible has happened to her! She missed a Unicorn meeting... ooh, I know! She ran off with the treasury money! We must find her! I want that money! I don't care about her as long as we have our party! Elizabeth: Calm down, Jess! Don't get your panties in a wad... I'm sure there is a logical explanation for this. Jessica: There is no logical explanation for a twelve year old girl disappearing into thin air, dummy! We can only assume she's been kidnapped! ------- Lila: Discrimination! Discrimination! There is absolutely nothing about the group of the prettiest, most exclusive club in SVMS called the Unicorns in the Sixers! I thought Elizabeth just loved us! Jessica: Well, I thought I told Liz all of the important stuff we've done! Oops, no, I didn't... Lila: But what about my ice cream party? Jessica: Oh please, who cares about that stuff! Lila: Only the whole school! They must know what Lila Fowler is doing every second of her most glamorous life! ------- Amy: I just went to Mary's house. She isn't home! My whole world has crashed because she promised that she would type this article for me! Elizabeth: Something HORRIBLE has happened to Mary! Never fear, Elizabeth Wakefield is here! Amy: Oooh, can I be your sidekick? Jessica: Hey, what about me? Elizabeth: Shut up, Jessica, Amy will help us whether you like it or not! ------- Jessica: Mary was supposed to have given the treasury report! Me and Liz think she's been kidnapped! Lila: What kind of bullshit story is that?!? That doesn't happen in Sweet Valley! You must be on something! Ellen: I agree with everything Lila says because I'm scccaaaarrreedd that she'll beat me up if I don't! Jessica: But I raided her room and she left her teddy bear! I couldn't find the money, either! Lila: Oh, you're a genius now, Jess! She must have been kidnapped if she left that! But forget her and remember the money! ------- Elizabeth: Oh my lord, some poor, heartless soul is ripping up a book! That is the worst crime ever! I must stop them before they mutilate it! Amy: Oh no! It's too late! What are you going to do! Elizabeth: *very obviously peeps around the corner* Oh, for the love of trees, it's just a newspaper! Wait, there are words missing out of it! ------- Amy: *Shouts at the top of her lungs* HIDE!!! It's her! Elizabeth: Who's her? Amy: That woman! Quick! Just hide! And make sure you knock down the whole display of cookie boxes while you're at it, as we're trying not to draw too much attention to ourselves! Elizabeth: Whew, she didn't hear us! Let's follow her to her house like a couple of idiots! ------- Ellen: Why did you have to come on the stakeout with us? You're not a Unicorn! Amy: I may not be a Unicorn, but at least I'm not a scaredy cat like you! Who don't you go home and cry your little eyes out to mommy! Elizabeth: Stop it Amy, you're disgracing me! I won't hear any more of it! All Three: Where are Jessica and Lila? They're NEVER late! ------- Jessica: Hurry up, we're late! Lila: It never hurts to be fashionably late! I had to look good for this mission! Jessica: Who said you look good? If you wouldn't have made that call to Bruce... Lila: What are you talking about? You talked longer than I did! You're trying to steal Bruce from me! Jessica: You're a big, fat liar! Lila: Oh my god, my Stilettos are ruined! The heel fell off! Jessica: Probably because your feet stink so bad! Lila: Hand me a rock and I'll beat it until it stays on! Fixed! Jessica: Run! Lila: No way! I might fall in a puddle and ruin my trillion dollar outfit! Jessica: And your point? ------- Amy: Where is that chicken Ellen? Elizabeth: She went in! Jessica: We're here! Lila: Where is everyone? Jessica: You mean you started this super totally important mission without us? Amy: I have a death wish, I'm going in! ------- Amy: Here comes the kidnapper! I know, I'll just hide in the closet and leave Ellen to deal with her! Ellen: Auuuggghhhh.... I want my mommy!!! ------- Elizabeth: I just heard Ellen scream, but I'm stupid, so I'm going in anyway! Lila: Eww, eww, eww, cobwebs! I'm ruining my outfit! Elizabeth and Jessica: Oh, shove it Lila! We have a case to solve! ------- Amy: Hmmm... I think I'll just sit on the kidnapper and beat her with a chair leg until she dies! Or until she sleeps peacefully... Ellen: Oh, I love you so much! You are my hero! I owe you my life, not that I have much of one, but oh well.... Elizabeth: What happed here? Amy: I've got the kidnapper, in case you haven't noticed! Elizabeth: I'm calling the police! Jessica: Mary! Wait a minute, you're not Mary. Who in the hell are you? ------- Reporter: I want a picture of the heroes! Jessica and Lila: Ooh, ooh, us! Reporter: *pushes Jessica and Lila out of the way* I meant Amy and Elizabeth! Jessica: But where's my cookie? I helped.... I really did... not Lila: I want my picture in the paper! I'm not in the center of attention! Wahhh... I'm going to jump off a cliff now! ------- Mary: I'm back! I've been in Mexico, just like the teacher told you! And the Unicorn treasury was not in my underwear drawer, so there! Jessica: Oh... well... ------- Jessica: But Eelllizzaabbeetthh.... the Unicorns are only the snobbiest bitches in the school! Elizabeth: Well, in that case, I guess I could make room for a sentence or two in the Sixers for the unicorns! Jessica: That's more than enough! I could never fill up two lines! |
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