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\\#4 Anything for Love;Jess: Oh, Mike, I'll love you forever! And you shouldn't be the slightest bit concerned that the last four guys I said that to ended up in coffins! Mike: Want to get married? Jessica: Oh, Mike, even though I've just spent the past four pages moaning about you, that sounds like a brilliant idea! And incredibly practical! Mike: Shut up, Jessica. You're not suppose to answer me yet! It's supposed to be the cliff hanger! Jessica: Don't you think the title of the book sort of gives it away, though? If I was going to say no, it would be called nothing for love, wouldn't it? Mike: You can't expect the authors to think that far ahead! Jessica: Four pages in? Steven: I hate Mike! Billie: That's nice, Steven. Elizabeth: The readers think I'm sitting by Nina's hospital bed out of concern, but really I'm just doing it to make sure she doesn't get any ideas about running off like my past two best friends! Nina: Maybe leaving SVU isn't such a bad idea after all. Elizabeth: F*ck you, deserter! Now I'm going to do a report on the attack against you completely against your wishes! Todd: I'm miserable because I dumped Liz. Lauren: I'm miserable because you dumped Liz Enid: I'm miserable because I dumped Liz Mark: I'm miserable because you dumped Liz Enid: Ummm... does anyone think it might have been wrong to dump Liz? Celine: You're evilness is so appealing, William William: I'm too busy trying to corrupt Liz to notice you, Celine! Celine: Like that's going to happen! Danny: It's extremely obvious you love Elizabeth, Tom. Tom: I know! I wonder why the hell she hasn't worked it out yet! Jessica: Even though I'm about to marry the guy I supposedly love more than anything, I can still find time to moan about the fact it isn't a big church with a wedding dress. And they call me shallow! Mike: This is nerve racking, isn't it? Jessica: Sorry, I can''t talk right now. Rather than sensibly discussing it with you, I'm busy resenting the fact you're making me get married here. Mike: Jess, can you get to the next stage where you decide our love is all the matters. It's starting to hurt my hand to grip yours this hard. Jessica: I do Mike: I'm the happiest man in the world Jessica: How long do you reckon that's going to last? Nina: If I stay at SVU I get stalked by Elizabeth. If I go back home I get stalked by my mother. What a choice! Elizabeth: I've realised that in all my concern over helping Winston I completely forget about the secret society. This has nothing to do with the author suddenly remembering sixty-three pages in that she'd forgotten to mention it earlier! Tom: Liz is so hot. I mean I don't think you should go after the secret society because it's dangerous. Elizabeth: Even though I can clearly see you're doing this out of concern for me, we haven't had any feminist moment for a few pages so I'm going to storm away angrily anyway! William: I'm the leader of the secret society, Liz. Elizabeth: That's good, William. I had a fight with Tom today, he doesn't want me to do my story on the secret society. William: Even though I'm obviously the leader, I don't think the society exists. Elizabeth: You're so creepy, William, that you must be right. Isabella: We're falling for each other, Danny. Danny: Yep and even that hasn't made your character anymore interesting. Tom: I'm acting suspcious by having one of the secret society rings in order to make it less obvious William is the leader. William: Hasn't worked, because I'm the leader! Maybe I should start handing out autographs saying William White, leader of the secret society. Then the rest of these thickos might get it! Steven: I hate you, Mike Mike: Fine but I've banged your sister! Na na na na na! Jessica: Stop it, Mike. If you make me tell him we married, then I'll make out you're an evil husband! Mike: But, baby, I just want everyone to see how in love and together we are. Jessica: See readers told you! Evil! Nina: Save me, Bryan. I'm being stalked by my mother and my best friend! Bryan: Woman, you're getting in the way of the tv! Tom: How could you try to set me up with Isabella, Danny? Danny: How do you think I feel? I'm going to stuck dating her if you won't have her! Jessica: I'm looking forward to telling everyone I'm married. Mike: I'm so happy. Jessica: Ha ha! You're so easy to convince! This deceiving you business is going to be a piece of cake! Mike: Do you think it would be really inappropriate to walk around with a t-shirt saying ' I had sex with your sister last night, Steven'? Jessica: I'm not at all concerned you're thinking about my brother when I'm lying here in bed with you. Mike: Yeah, but do you reckon he heard us? Maybe we should be louder next time! Tom: I've got threatening letters from the secret society, Liz Elizabeth: Well William's warned me about you now, so I'm going to completely ignore the bit that says 'Elizabeth, yours for all eternity, love William White, leader of the secret society.' Isabella: How are you going avoid your parents finding out about you moving in with Mike when they come up for the weekend, Jess? Jessica: Bugger, I really should think these things through! Like how I'm going to stop Mike wanting to come home with me for christmas for the next forty years! Mike: My favourite wife, I love you. Jessica: Stop saying nice things, I'm trying to convince people you're evil! I didn't tell Isabella we're married, now act mad. Mike: Does that mean you don't love me? Jessica: Oh god, this is going to get old! Mark: Being upset about the scandal requires me not to eat. Enid: Why? Mark: It's what people do when their upset in Sweet Valley. Get with the program. Enid: Ummm... Liz didn't. She got fat. Elizabeth: Nina's mine! Grace Harper: No, she's mine! Nina: Someone help me, please! Celine: I smoke, therefore I must be evil! William: I still don't believe the society exists, Liz, even though I'm obviously the leader. Mike: Rather than talking things though, Jess, shall we go to a diner and make out? Jessica: Wow, that sounds like a great way of working out our marital problems! Danny: You're still not interesting, Izzy. Isabella: I know but at least Lila gets back in book 7. Mike's a creep by the way, Jess. Jessica: This is why I hang out with you, Iz. I just love it when you call my husband a creep. It saves me a job! William: Mike's dangerous, Liz. Elizabeth: William you still creep me out, so you must be right! Mike: Hi, Liz. Elizabeth: You just hi to me. You must be the leader! Mike: Liz, did you get this postcard in the mail with a picture of William, signed William, leader of the secret society? Elizabeth: Yeah, he's always doing thoughtful things like that. Mike: Jess, why won't you tell anyone we're married? Jessica: Because it makes no sense and I'm Jessica Wakefield so nothing I do ever has to make any sense! Isabella: How are you, Jess? Jessica: Oh, you know, just trying to make everyone hate my husband, the usual. Isabella: William's creepy isn't he? Jessica: Definitely. I wonder why none of us have realised he's the leader yet, even with that poster over there with the caption 'William White, leader of the secret society'? William: Liz, you must tell your parents that Jessica has moved in with Mike Elizabeth: I don't think it's strange you're so interested in my sister's life, even though she's nothing to do with you. Isabella: I hear something strange in the bushes. Danny: Rather than call the police, let's go investigate ourselves Isabella: You'll fit right in Sweet Valley! Todd: I'm so bored of Lauren that I'm being driven to having breakfast with Enid. Elizabeth: Tom, I'm so concerned about you! Tom: You know, Liz, Celine's not so bad. Elizabeth: Go to hell! I wish they'd killed you! Mike: Jess, I know I have to go to work but you deserve to spend the morning in bed. Jessica: You're so unbelievably evil! Mike: Could you bring me lunch later? Jessica: There you go! Forcing me to do things! But all right. Elizabeth: Let's take a detor before meeting our parents, Jess, in the hope they'll catch you out. Jessica: You always get in the way of my lies and general nastiness. You're the troublemaker in this family. Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield: We've only been here a day and even we think William's creepy. Elizabeth: So do I, which sort of begs the question, why am I still dating him? Mike: Jess, let's bang. Jessica: I can't. Mike: I'm now going to sound really sexy and loving so that the readers will forget what I'm actually asking you do is sleep with me in the back of a dirty car when I'm probably still greasy from work. Jessica: Why suddenly now? Mike: That's obvious. How else are you going to be late to meet your parents, so they make you go out with them, and we can run into each other later and have a big fight? Jessica: Oh, ok then. |
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