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\\#109 Double-crossed;
Janitor Two: Hi. Janitor One: Well, well, well, here we are again. #109 Double-Crossed. Jessica has successfully broken Jeremy and Sue's engagement, and Jess and Jerms get together. Happily? Probably not. Jess is refugee-ing at Lila's, and she and Jerms are meeting on the sly. So just days after the wedding fiasco, Jerms PROPOSES to Jess and she says yes. Then he tells her he's going on a trip to...umm...where was it? Somewhere in Central America. I can't remember now. So, Jess spends the book moping about Jerms, Liz can't stand Todd's new mustache and haircut, Lila and Robby have a battle of wills regarding a business course, and Sue OD's. Dun dun dun.... Or, in Jess and Sue's case, dumb, dumb, dumb.... Onto the review. Janitor Two: Hehe. Yes. Plot first? Janitor One: Sure. Janitor Two: It sucked. Janitor One: It was predictable and lacked the humor the other two had. Well, with Jess's plot anyway. It's very soap opera. Janitor Two: Yeah. Every section with Jess, Sue, or Jeremy was boring and annoying. Bad soap opera. Very bad soap opera. Janitor One: I will say, for the one and only time, I agree with Elizabeth. I don't see what either of them see in Jeremy. Janitor Two: Neither do I. Well, I kinda do. He's all, "I hug trees," and he's handsome and just as Sweet Valley as the next guy to come along. So yeah, in the SV world, he has his appeal. But you'd think Jess would wise up a bit about him proposing. Janitor One: Yeah. That was way too quick. So, shall we discuss the latest twists? Janitor Two: Sure. Which one first? The fake suicide attempt, the simple math lesson that tells you exactly why Jeremy has to go away to save the crickets of South America, or the one in which we learn that Sue is using Jess so she can have her money and her man? Janitor One: Let's do them in order. Janitor Two: All right. Janitor One: Well, Sue's suicide attempt was pretty weak. She could've done other more creative dramatic vents of depression. Janitor Two: Yes. And they were none-too subtle about saying that it wasn't exactly a life-threatening attempt. Janitor One: Yeah. Janitor Two: They should have left that info out for later disclosure. Janitor One: Exactly. Then there's Jeremy's little trip. Well, he wanted to get away from Jessica. Janitor Two: He didn't want to get away from Jessica. He wanted to get away from Sue. Janitor One: But he still met with Sue. I think it's funny how even Lila got it. Janitor Two: In secret. It was because of the will stipulation. Sue had to not see Jeremy for something like two months, and then she'd be written back in for her fortune. That's why he went away. It was so obvious, it was painful. Janitor One: I know. He didn't want to have to deal with either of them in public. Janitor Two: I really don't think that was it. Janitor One: Liz caught on, too, though not exactly. She really started wondering after she found out Sue was an heiress. Because of the will stipulation, he couldn't be seen with Sue. To make things easier on everybody, he pretended to take a little trip so he wouldn't have to deal with Jessica. Janitor Two: I don't think there was a public thing at all. I'm sure he wouldn't have minded spending a couple months kissing on Jess if it didn't jepordize Sue's claim to her money....I keep getting lost on the "deal with Jess" part. I don't think she was an issue in it. Fake or otherwise. Janitor One: Maybe I should stop saying anything.... Janitor Two: You don't have to stop saying anything, I just don't understand where you get the Jess thing. Janitor One: I think part of the reason why he took the two-month hiatus was because he wouldn't have to keep pretending to be in love with Jessica and jeopardizing their "being together." The other reason was so he wouldn't jeopardize Sue's claim to the money by their being separated for two months. Janitor Two: Ok. I think I get what you mean. Janitor One: Ok. Janitor Two: Next comes...what? Sue's suicide attempt? Janitor One: I think we went over that. Sue's money. Janitor Two: It was predictable. Just like the rest of the book. Janitor One: Yeah. So, all in all, Sue, Jess, and Jerm are pretty boring in this book. Janitor Two: Yeah. Janitor One: Care to give us your predictions for the next two? Janitor Two: Well, it's going to go either of two ways: Sue's kidnapping was planned and is part of them getting the money back (which I don't understand how that would work, but it seemed too convinient). Or Sue's kidnapping is real. Either way, their plot to regain the fortune is going to be discovered, and no one will ever like them ever again. The end. Janitor One: Ok. I shall say nothing. ^__^ Janitor Two: Ok. Umm, Lila and Robby. Janitor One: Lila and Robby are cute. Robby shrank in age two years, though. Don't you love the continuity? Especially since they specifically mentioned in the last book. At twenty, Robby was the oldest guy she'd ever dated. Janitor Two: It is wonderful. Roger's been sharing his anti-aging secrets with Robby. Janitor One: Hehehe. Janitor Two: Roger "Yeah, Lila likes 'em younger. Here, try this." *slips him a mysterious bottle* Janitor One: Robby "Cool!" Janitor Two: Hehehe. Janitor One: Lila signs Robby up for a business course and pays for it and everything. Robby finds out and gets pissed. Lila's pissed that he's ungrateful. After they're not speaking, Robby takes the course anyway and signs up for a art course while he's at it. The two live happily ever after. Janitor Two: Very pretty. Janitor One: Lila and Robby moments make me laugh. I think they're very cute together. Janitor Two: They act like they're married. A funny contrast to the Jess strain of the book. Janitor One: Yeah. It is. Now on to Liz and Todd.... Janitor Two: ................. Janitor One: I can actually relate to this. Janitor Two: Hehehehe. Yeah. Janitor One: I know exactly how Liz feels here. Not to the extent that she won't go out in public with him, but I can relate. Janitor Two: I sort of can, too. I mean, anyone who's had a boyfriend could, really. As much as we think they're great, sometimes they do things that just make you want to say, "You're embarrassing yourself. Stop it." Janitor One: Yeah. Janitor Two: It's all part of the "guy" package, I think. Janitor One: Probably. Janitor Two: So, yes. It was fluff, and it was filler, but I liked it. And I loved the extra mentions on Winston, of course. Janitor One: It was very entertaining reading them. One of their best subplots I think. Janitor Two: Yeah. Janitor One: I keep picturing Todd as Vanilla Ice through this, though. Janitor Two: Hehe. "So very white, white, baby!" (*see note) Janitor One: That's how his haircut's described! Oh yeah!!! Janitor Two: Hehehehe!! Janitor One: "This kinda thing happens every show! YO! I need to learn how to tie a bow!" Janitor Two: "They didn't have Ice Cube, so he got Vanilla Ice...." Todd's just a wannabe. Janitor One: Yes. "I'm white, and I'm capitaLizing. On a trend that is currently rising." Janitor Two:
WHATS YOUR REAL NAME? Robert Van Winkle. WHY DID YOU CHANGE IT? Nothin' ryhmes with Winkle.
WHEN YOU GONNA STOP? Maybe never. I become richer with every endevar.
White, white baby.
I`m a little teapot short and stout. GROOVE, VANILLA ICE! WORK IT OUT! I told the world I was stabbed in the butt,
He`s white, white baby.
Hey guys!!!!!!!!!
Janitor Two: Hehehe. You can find anything online. Sorry. Yeah. Janitor One: Where did you find the lyrics? Janitor Two: I jusy searched Yahoo. Came right up. ^_^ Janitor One: Cool. So is that it? Janitor Two: Yep. Janitor One: Best/worst? Janitor Two: Best: Winston getting shaved like a sheep. ^_^ Worst: Sue feeling guilty and admitting to Liz that she was never sick just because she couldn't keep up the act. Janitor One: Best: I can't remember where it was in the book. I think Liz was complaining to Enid about how Todd is always playing with his mustache, and I had this mental picture of Todd looking into a hand mirror, twirling his mustache so it curls at the ends. It was funny. Worst: Sue's lame suicide attempt. Janitor Two: Coolies. Janitor One: I give it three Bruce heads. One for Todd, one for Lila, and one for Winston. Janitor Two: Umm, either two regular Todd heads, or three ugly ones with mustaches and Vanilla Ice hair cuts. You pick. Janitor One: Three ugly ones with mustaches and Vanilla Ice hair cuts. Janitor Two: Ok. Next time, on the Janitors One and Two Show, #110, Death Threat, in which Sue dies. ^_^ Janitor One: You wish. Janitor Two: Hehe. Janitor One: The end. Janitor Two: Yeppers. NOTE- This is a Vanilla Ice parody to "Ice, Ice Baby" done by Jimm Carrey waaaaaaaay back when he was on "In Living Color." If you don't know what "In Living Color" is, we feel sorry for you. So, yeah, disclaimer stuff on posting the lyrics: we own nothing, we make nothing. Sue us, and you'll end up with two prissy cats and a disgruntaled beta fish named Sashimi Yuki, because that's about our combined networth. |
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